This has been a really interesting week. I really didn’t think that much would change by leaving Stoxpoker, but I must have only been thinking about the impact on my work day, not at all on my state of mind.
The first couple days, Friday and Saturday, were admittedly quite stressful. Change sometimes just is. I will say that it was made a bit easier thanks to a great letter from Taylor wishing me well. Showed a lot of class on his part reaching out as he did.
Break-ups or changes, are still stressful and so the past week or so has been a bit of that as I make this transition. I’ve found myself wanting to know if members have questions for me, or other happenings going on around a place that has meant a lot to me for the past couple years. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t work there anymore.
In the space in my mind that use to be occupied by Stoxpoker, this week it was replaced by writing and if found a bit of a groove with it. I now have an editor (Barry Carter with UK pokernews) working with me, and the interaction has helped me tremendously already in getting a better sense of the process of taking a bunch of ideas or a bunch of things that I want to say and turning it into a piece of writing that’s engaging for a reader.
When I sent him something for the first time this week, missing from me was a feeling of embarrassment for letting another person see something so bad. But I embraced the fact that I sucked, knowing the only way to get better was for him to see just how bad I was so he could know exactly where I need help. And help he did.
With articles I’ve written in the past or the chapters I wrote for Dusty’s book, I’ve been able to get away with not being a real writer by doing 20+ revisions. I’d just keep hammering away at it over several days/weeks until it sounded good. In writing the book, that’s one reason why I was getting nowhere on my own, spending that kind of time on a book that is going to be 200+ pages long is just not practical.
So the great news is that I have learned a tremendous amount from Barry this week. In my second go around of new material sent to him this week, I could see and so could he, a big jump in the quality of my first pass and I have a pretty good sense of what the rest of the section is going to be. Something that also took me a much longer time to figure out last time as well. Ironically this section is about a concept called Inch Worm, that speaks in part to the process of making your worst better. My worst has certainly improved, and I have a long way to go before it’s automatic – so much more work to be done.
Now I’m really looking forward to doing more writing seeing that I’m at least moving in the right direction as a writer, and starting to see in real terms how the book that I’ve envisioned for the past couple years can actually come to fruition.
If found that stress is great fuel to learn, and this week is further proof.